161

Oxhorn: Welcome, one and everyone, to this week’s episode of Scotch and Smoke Rings, episode 161 of all numbers.  That’s right.  The number of this episode is 161.  That, of course, means that we have been doing this fine program for 161 weeks.  That’s over three years of our lives.  So I’m just glad you’re here with me today.  It means you guys are dedicated.  And unlike most blogs, we are not yet obsolete.  Howdy, everyone.  It is so good to see you.  Osterkaktus says, “Hey.”  Hey, Osterkaktus.  TheRantus says, “Where’s the great Ox?”  I am right here and I am not late.  It is 7:00 on the dot, according to my time.  As people use to say, the way I make it.  And somewhere on my website, even though I pressed pause—there we go.  I now no longer have feedback.  Alexander says, “Oxhorn, you’re pretty epic.  From one classy cigar smoking man to another, I must say that you are one awesome bad bloit.”  Well, thank you very much for your thoughts and words of kindness.  However, we here at ScotchAndSmokeRings.com only use classy language.  That’s right.  We don’t say bad bloit.  We instead say a rough and tumble gentleman.  Yes.  That is the diction we, of course, use here.

So thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for coming.  We have a fantastic show for you today.  I know.  I’m getting a little fluffy.  I’m thinking of keeping it this way and maybe even letting it go out a little bit.  I mean, there are those international beard competitions.  I don’t know.  I think I could do well.  It’s not quite as long as what’s his name—Jack Passion, but it’s got a sort of roundish thing going on.  Nethehholyhammer says, “Ox, can we see your baby?”  Under normal circumstances, yes, of course.  But he is, of course, sleeping in the other room right now and his mother would be very, very peeved if I ran in there and woke him up just to bring him on camera.  So he’s enjoying a rare moment of slumber and I think we’re going to let him sleep for just a little bit.  Maybe next week.  Maybe next week we will try to get him on camera because he looks a lot different.  He has grown quite a bit.  He is a big baby, and there’s nothing wrong with a big baby.  Michael W says, “Zug Zug has charm today.”  Indeed he does.  He’s exuding beardly charm today as Zug Zug tends to often do.  Yeah, that’s better.  OK.  Doing well.

So, ElToroGuaco says, “You’re going to become the fourth ZZTop if that keeps growing.”  Possibly.  However, I think I won’t and the reason for that is that the ZZTop fellows, they kind of not only have the long beards, but they’ve got little points.  They’ve kind of got beard forks.  Beard forks going on, and mine’s sort of rounded.  I just think I’ve got a different sort of growth going on.  Growth on my chin.  Cardon says, “Is it just me or is he very, very quiet?”  I am speaking at a fairly good volume, so I hope you all can hear me.  Please sound off in the chat if I am quiet and I will do my very best to increase the volume.  While I wait, I am of course going to pour myself a gentlemanly drink.  Psykin98 says, “Are you going to be playing Mists of Pandaria today?”  Yes.  Yes, I am and the reason for that is, of course, that I had a guest come to the show last week and that person happened to be a Twitch TV staff member saying, “You’re not playing enough video games and you’re on Twitch TV so we’re going to move you.”  And I’m like, “No, please don’t move me.  I am Oxhorn.  I am actually playing video games, I just haven’t today or many weeks in the past because I have other things to talk about like beards.”  So today, I will be playing video games.  I am actually updating my World of Warcraft Mists of Pandaria in the background right now.  In fact, if you don’t believe me, here.  As you can see, I am—oh, you can’t see it because it’s a iframe overlay.  Great.  Well, never mind.  I am updating World of Warcraft Mists of Pandaria in the background and I will play it as soon as the update completes itself.  It is currently downloading at 1.1 megabytes per second.  So, we should be powering through it fairly soon.

Brian the Annihilator says, “Well, my best friend died today.  I miss her already.”  My friend, I am so glad that you came here today and you have my sympathies.  I wish her the best and I wish you the best.  Major sympathies all the way from Oxhorn here at ScotchAndSmokeRings.com.  I know what it’s like.  It’s really hard.  So you have major loves.  In fact, digital hugs from Seattle.  Digital hugs.  Hugs, hugs.  Hugs, hugs, hugs.  Digital hugs from Seattle.  BossLameRinger says, “Hey Ox and Zug Zug, this is my first time joining the stream.  Hope it’s fun.”  My friend, I’m so glad you’re here today.  Although I’m kind of curious.  If this is your first time, how did you know my beard’s name was Zug Zug?  I don’t think I’ve really had that in any of my movies, but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt.  I’m sure someone else has told you about Zug Zug, Zug Zug the beard.  Zug Zug is feeling rather spiffy.  You know what?  I kind of get sidetracked here.  I wanted to pour some scotch, and here I am talking about Zug Zug.  So here we go.  Today we are drinking some Scoresby Very Rare Blended Scotch Whiskey, as it has become a staple here at ScotchAndSmokeRings.com not only for its smooth, floral flavor, but also for its smooth, floral price, which is very low.  The ice melts.  I’ve got to drink down the water.  And there we go.  A gentlemanly splash of a gentlemanly beverage.

“What type of pipe are you smoking tonight, Oxhorn?” asks MaginJustin.  I had intended to smoke a pipe today.  In fact, I had one all set out.  Where is it?  Here it is.  I was going to smoke this.  It’s my nice, red pipe.  You’ve seen me smoke it on the program before and I like it a lot.  However, I just acquired a brand new cigar, which I have to smoke on the program today.  It’s interesting.  Osterkaktus says, “I’m getting a lot of lag.”  My friend, I’m uploading this program just fine for you.  I think it’s working well.  If you are getting lag, please sound off in the chat so that I can know and I’ll stop my upgrade of World of Warcraft and that may help it.  If you’re not getting lag, tell me as well so I’ll know that it’s not me.  Anyway, as I was saying, I found this really interesting cigar.  As you can see, it’s kind of got a—the wrapper is really large.  It’s over half of the cigar.  And it says—it’s like a thin paper, like a wax paper.  I think it’s supposed to keep the flavor inside.  I’m not sure.  But it says, “Swag.”  Swag, and then something—oh, Swag Cigars.  I don’t know.  You know, when I think of swag, I think of pirates as really the only legitimate use of the verbiage.  Or maybe if you go to a convention and you get some convention swag.  Other uses of the word swag, I just don’t know if I think that’s really classy.  So I didn’t realize that the words said ‘swag’ on it when I got the cigar.  I just thought it looked cool.  Now I’m smoking a Swag.  So we’ll see if this is any good.  I’m going to peel the paper off right there.  One nice thing about this is that the band is attached to the wrapper, so I don’t have to worry about burning it and imbibing the burnt wrapper.  Swag.  All right.  That’s right.  The next step, of course.  I’m using my guillotine cigar cutter today.  And one of the reasons I like this cigar is because it’s got a very large gauge.  You see how just robust this cigar is?  It’s so robust that I can’t even fit it inside my cigar guillotine.  Ah.  There we go.  Hold on a second.  [pause]  You always get a little bit of potpourri at the end when you do that, but it seems to be working very well.

Osterkaktus says, “Can I come meet you in the beta?”  Absolutely, as soon as I get it up and running.  I’m going to continue letting it update for the moment.  It’s going at one megabyte per second and I’ve got 2.8 gigs left to go.  I was at three and a half gigs when the show started, so it will be updated soon and you guys can join me inside the World of Warcraft beta.  I’ll let you know what server I’m going to be on when we’re ready.  ElToroGuaco says, “Oxhorn, Bender used the word swag, and he smokes a cigar.  There.  You have a connection. ;)”  I have to admit, as crass and unclassy as Bender is, he is one of my favorite characters on Futurama.  I think he and Zapp Brannigan are really my role models.  I probably have a personality that merges the two.  I don’t know.  And Zoidberg maybe.  All three of them are great.  Time to light this bad boy up.  Or to say it another way, set the thing on fire.  [pause]  MaginJustin says, “Was there a new video you posted up that I missed?”  I recently released a video called “Panda Exterminator” and I don’t know if you missed it or not.  But if you did, you missed it and it’s on Oxhorn.com, just so you know.  [pause]  Nethehholyhammer says, “What?  I didn’t know you watched Futurama.”  Actually, Futurama’s one of my favorite show.  So yes, I do watch Futurama.  I’m introducing it to my lovely wife and she is getting into it, too.  In fact, the very first cartoon my baby has ever seen was an episode of Futurama.  [pause]  ElToroGuaco says, “Wait a minute, Zapp?  You compare yourself to a woman-addicted hero wannabe that has the biggest self esteem in the galaxy?”  Yes.  I kid, I kid.  Not bad.  Not bad.  Shyster112 says, “Ox, I think you have a bit of Farnsworth in you.”  You really think I’m old?  I suppose I am a little old.  I do have the occasional gray hair.  Or—oh, I see what you’re saying, the mad scientist bit.  Yeah, yeah.  There is Associate Professor Evil.  [pause]

Blade Brandire on Twitch TV says, “Hello, Oxhorn.  Staying classy?  8) ,”  and then “8D” and then, “No clue how to do that face.”  Yes, Blade Brandire, I am indeed doing very well and I’ll try and help you with the face.  So the first one is this.  [pause]  Second one is this.  [pause]  Right?  Yeah, you have to have glasses to do those faces.  That’s why the eight is there.  If the eight wasn’t there, it would just be a colon.  Sorry, I’m not going to get into lessons on leet speak.  We can do that later.  Greg Hartung says, “Did Ox mention what beta server he’s going to be on?”  I haven’t yet.  I will when I get this thing live.  I haven’t decided which character I’m going to play.  I also don’t know what I’m going to play.  I know I’ll be doing Mists of Pandaria, but I don’t really know what I’m going to be doing in Mists of Pandaria because I haven’t played the expansion in quite a long time.  Not because I haven’t lost interest or anything.  [pause]  Shyster112 says, “Ox has the same glasses as me.  Weird.”  Yeah.  Look, I normally have my other glasses, wherever they are.  I think they’re somewhere around here.  But these are my everyday glasses.  My beautiful wife picked out the frame.  It’s kind of got a square thing going on.  And I didn’t get reflection protection on it so yeah, you can pretty much see every bit of light that hits my eyes.  Oh, look.  You’re looking back at my monitor.  Yeah, that was a mistake.  I regret that one.  I also don’t think the black really suits my complexion well.  I’m sounding like a girl.  I’ve got to stop.  So I think I’m going to get round glasses next time, but these are definitely functional.  [pause]

Ghoulbreath says, “So Ox, are there any news tidbits that you can tell us about your machinima without giving away any spoilers?”  Can I give that?  No, I can’t say that.  Can I talk about that?  I might be able to—no, I can’t talk about that.  OK, so what I can say is that I’m getting ready to release a new video, but it’s not machinima.  No, this is not machinima.  I will be releasing it to my Oxhorn YouTube channel, but it’s not machinima.  It is, instead, a live action movie.  Well, not really a movie.  A short, live action video.  It’s about three minutes long.  I’ve been shooting it over the past month.  It has a favorite cast character of yours.  Okay, I’ll just say it.  Zug Zug plays prominently in this video.  [pause]  And I hope to be getting it done soon.  So yes, I do have a video coming.  It is in the works.  [pause]  Abranu says, “By the way, in the beta, renaming pets is no longer exclusive to hunters.”  Really?  I didn’t know that.  So you can rename all pets, including the Pokémon ones that you tame and fight with each other?  Oh, this is World of Warcraft.  No, that’s right.  Cool.  Cool.  I’m excited.  “Oh, I was hoping for Mort,” says Blade Brandire.  My friend, what do you mean you’re hoping for Mort?  Zug Zug—oh, as the new character for—yeah.  Well, I do love Mort.  He is one of my favorite characters.  But Zug Zug is a new character and he’s got a place to play, right?  He’s got to become a prominent citizen here at the Oxhorn.com character pantheon.  [pause]

Oh, this download is going really slow.  2.4 gigs left to go.  All right.  Oh, this is a strong cigar.  Whew.  So I got this at a cigar shop yesterday because I was completely out of cigars.  Well, I had one left, but it was from my wife and I wanted to save it for a special occasion.  So I had to go get some more cigars.  And so I went to the local cigar shop near my house.  And it’s not right next to my house.  I had to drive a ways to get there and there was no street parking.  So I parked at the Safeway that was a few blocks away from this shop.  Well, the Safeway where I parked is in a really sketchy neighborhood.  So I’m walking to this cigar shop and all of the sketchy people around the bus stop and hiding under the overpasses and all that kind of giving me these strange looks as I walk.  And I suppose it must’ve been fairly strange.  Here I am in a hat, a huge beard, suspenders, my classy shoes, my shirt tucked in, walking down the street.  And there they are with their cans of spray paint, spraying graffiti, their hoods all the way up, their pants down their butt, wearing Nikes.  And I probably didn’t really fit in with that crowd.  Not that there’s anything wrong with the way they were dressed, of course.  At least, not that I’m going to say publicly.  But yeah, so they were giving me very strange looks.  So I am walking past this crowd.  I’m kind of walking pretty fast.  I find the cigar shop and I go inside.  And the cigar shop owner seemed really happy to see me.  I don’t think he gets very many people into his cigar shop like me.  I think he gets people into his cigar shop very much like the people I passed on the way to the cigar shop.  Anyway, he was really pleased to see me and he gave me an exclusive tour of his cigar humidor.  And we went through the entire humidor and I found some great bargains and he gave me a few cigars that were really nice.  He had a little bit of mold in one of his humidors, so I didn’t choose a cigar from that one and I made sure to inspect every cigar I purchased before I purchased it because I didn’t want to get any mold.  Not that mold on a cigar is bad for you, but I just didn’t want any.

So I got my cigars.  They’re in a clear plastic bag.  My pockets were full, so I’m holding this clear plastic bag of cigars in my hand as I start walking back up the street.  I get to the sketchy area before I get to my car.  And all of a sudden, people are even more interested in me.  The very same people who were eyeing me as I was walking to the cigar shop were now very interested in me.  And it was almost from a zombie movie.  Seriously, I was thinking Night of the Living Dead.  These guys just kind of turn their heads and look at me, cock their heads to the side and then shuffle my way because—and I don’t mean to have any social commentary, I really don’t—but just honestly, when it comes to the big city, there is a high percentage of people who just aren’t right in the head.  They’re just not.  They kind of talk to themselves and they mutter and they shuffle along and they’re not bathed and they kind of look at you and then they just randomly shout, “Phineas,” or whatever.  They just randomly shout and then they’ll yell at you for no reason, obscenities.  It just happens.  And I don’t mean to be politically incorrect.  I’m just saying that’s the reality of living in a city sometimes.  Anyway, I’m getting a few of those guys shouting at me.  And then I’m getting people coming up and saying, “Can I have a cigar?”  I’m like, “No, I just purchased these cigars.  Some of them were three dollars apiece.  I’m not just going to hand them out.”  “Can I have a cigar?”  People kind of starting to follow me.  “Can I have a cigar?  I want a cigar.  Do you have a cigarette?  Can you give me a light?”  I’m like getting the heck out of here as fast as I can, doggone it.  I finally get to my car.  A few of them had followed me to the parking lot.  Get in my car, lock the doors, turn it on and then race home with my bag of cigars safely intact.  It was quite an experience for me, I have to say.  I’m now valuing the ability to purchase cigars online, even more than I was previously.  So there you go.  That was my foray into unexplored territory in Seattle.  I will now continue to purchase my cigars online or go to my two favorite cigar shops, J and J Cigars and Rain City Cigars.  Awesome shops, not in sketchy neighborhoods.  Very classy shops.  I will go to those two shops in the future instead of these other ones.  So, yeah.  True story.  [pause]

Shyster says, “Mine?  Mine?  Mine?”  Yes.  It was very much “Finding Nemo”.  [laughs]  “Hire Lieutenant Colonel Virtue,” says Abranu?  Yeah.  That may have been what was necessary on that day.  Kill all the zombies in Seattle.  [laughs]  It felt like zombies.  It was really scary.  All right.  Brass Latebringer says, “What about smoke rings?”  My friend, how could I have forgotten smoke rings?  My apologies.  This is not like me.  It’s time for smoke rings.  Don’t you worry.  I will engage in smoke rings.  Here we go.  Nova Domina says, “Hello.”  Hello, my beautiful wife, Nova Domina.  We are so glad you’re here.  Everybody say hello to Nova Domina and thank her for coming today because I’m so—we really need to get her and the baby on camera.  We really do.  They haven’t been on camera in a while.  Remind me next week before I light up and we will do so.  Oh, OK.  Hold on.  So this thing has an uneven burn, which I’m not terribly fond of, but—[pause].  All right, smoke rings.  Ask and you shall receive.  It is smoke rings time.  [pause]  All right, this fan is messing it all up.  Hold on.  IckyIckyIckyPtangZoodBoingMnouw says, “Hey, Ox, how’s fatherhood treating you?”  Well, thank you very much, IckyIckyIckyPtangZoodBoingMnouw.  It is treating me very well.  Your comments are always appreciated.  I’m going to be showing off baby Gavin probably next week.  So be sure to tune in, same Ox time, same Ox channel.  I couldn’t be happier.  Being a dad is just—it’s, like, natural.  I guess that’s not a good way to describe it.  It’s like being—I don’t know—something I should’ve done a very long time ago.  Well, what was I saying?  No, no, no, no.  Nova Domina says, “Is that one of the cigars I bought you?” No, this is one I bought yesterday.  I’m saving—I only have one left from the bunch that you got me, and so I’m saving the final one for a rainy day, for a rainy day.  [pause]

Nethehholyhammer says, “Two percent downloaded beta.  Guess I’m not going to play with Ox tonight.”  I know.  This beta does download really slowly.  I’m now at 1.8 gigs left to go and we’ve been doing this for, what, 20 minutes now?  So if anyone from Twitch TV is watching, I am trying to play the game.  Don’t ban me.  Hang tight.  I’m going to play it.  This will be video game time.  Just hang tight.  Cool.  OK, where was I?  That’s right, smoke rings.  [pause] There’s some good ones.  Had to get the air still, right?  [pause]  Ah.  Green Giant says, “Hey, Oxhorn, I need some dating advice.”  Well, you’ve come to the right place.  “There’s this girl I have been talking to, but I think she’s a bit out of my league.  I’m a little overweight, but generally I lead a healthy lifestyle.”  All right, my friend.  Let’s rap.  There is no such thing as out of your league.  It’s a fiction.  It’s a fantasy.  Completely forget it.  Reject that notion from your mind.  As long as you have the confidence and audacity to ask the girl and strike up a genuine conversation with her, she’s within your league.  Otherwise, you’re just allowing yourself to live in failure and you don’t want that.  No.  This girl, she may be pretty.  She may be young.  She may have pigtails.  I don’t know.  What do kids do these days?  Whatever.  She may have all of those fine things that you younguns look for in a potential dating partner.  However, that does not mean she is out of your league.  All it means is that you have to rise to the occasion.  That’s one of the wonderful evolutionary things about romance, is that men who have not yet found a need to rise to the occasion find a beautiful specimen of a woman and think, “Wow, she’s a little bit out of my league,” and so they rise to the occasion.

That may mean—and I don’t know your personal details, so don’t think that I’m criticizing you in any way, shape, or form.  I’m just saying that in general, one of the best ways to rise to the occasion is to get a good job, work really hard at your job, and be the best employee as you can be at your job and make money.  If you’re going to school, do awesome in schoolwork.  Do you work on time, get it done on time.  Get good grades.  Be awesome at your schoolwork.  And then, of course, get a car.  Cars are important.  If you’ve got those three things and you’re in high school, there is no woman out of your league.  I’m just saying.  You could be a little pudgy, but if you have a car, you have a job, and you’re doing awesome at school, there’s no woman out of your league within high school.  These are facts.  These are reality.  These are just things that every young, classy chap should know.  So then, if you have those three things covered, all you’ve got to do is put on your best duds, make sure to get a sport shirt—if you don’t want to go the whole suit thing—that buttons on the collar, right, that is made from 100 percent cotton.  You don’t want any polyester.  And has long sleeves.  You don’t want short sleeves.  Make sure you tuck it in.  Wear suspenders if that’s your thing.  If it’s not your thing, then a gentlemanly belt is just fine.  Make sure the hems of your trousers are indeed hemmed, the cuffs, whatever.  Don’t be stepping on your cuffs, and try not to wear jeans.  Jeans are so vulgar, right?  Jeans, whatever.  You want to wear jeans?  Fine, but make sure that there’s no holes in them.  Otherwise, get some nice wool pants.

All right, you’ve got that down.  Go to the store, get a nice thing of flowers.  Women can’t say no to flowers.  But this is the thing.  If you hand a woman the flowers and you go, “Here’s your flowers, sweetheart,” she’s going to laugh at you.  She’s going to go, “Pft,” take your flowers, and then throw them away.  Instead, you have to take the flowers and you have to say, “Hey there, lady.  I bought you these flowers but what’s most important is that I’m talking to you.  This is my car.  We’re going to a movie.  Hop in.”  That’s all you’ve got to do.  And she’ll see you’re exuding confidence and she will say, “Oh, my.  This is a fellow with whom I must spend at least an hour watching a classy flick.”  And then you can get some popcorn and then have fun at the drive-in.  And then maybe go to a shop where you can have malt shakes or something.  So yeah, there is dating advice from Oxhorn.  I hope it comes in handy.  These are all things that I have personally practiced in the past and have had much success.  So, you’re welcome.  [pause]  Ghoulbreath says, “Lol.  Yeah, mine doesn’t mind I’m a nerd.”  Look, the world has completely changed.  There is no real ostracization for being either a nerd or a geek.  And the reason for that is many of the girls that you meet in high school these days have fathers who were nerds and geeks, who probably have worked at Microsoft in the past, or Hewlett Packard and have made a lot of money being an awesome nerd or geek.  There’s no shame in this anymore.  There really isn’t.  These are people—these are girls who really have great feelings towards their father and are happy with the way that they have provided for them.  And so they’re not going to be upset with the fact that you happen to have dark rimmed glasses or that your suspenders make your pants go up past your belly button.  Actually, that’s a stylish thing to do.  Don’t dis it.  I’m just saying, right?  So don’t be ashamed of your nerdity or geekdom.  [pause]

ElToroGuaco says, “Oxhorn, Irish Rover now.  Get your pennywhistle and go down in history.  I’ve sent you the chart.”  Oh, my.  I’m getting commands here.  Now, which Irish Rover is this?  Is this the—[singing] I’ve been a wild rover for manys a year, spent all my money on whiskey and beer.  Is that the same song?  Because I know the lyrics to that one.  I just don’t think I’ve ever played it.  [pause]  Where are the—I don’t know.  What did you send me?  Did you email it to me?  I haven’t checked my email.  I’m a little confused at what’s going on here.  I can’t find your email.  How did you se—all right.   I’m just going to see if I can find the lyrics.  Eh, no.  Sorry.  [laughs]  Ah, what?  Oh.  Someone says, “Ox, Nethhela needs advice.”  Oh.  OK, hold on.  Nethhela says, “Oxhorn, I need lady advice.”  Well, it appears that today is the Love Connection at ScotchAndSmokeRings.com.  By all means, ask away and I shall give you the gentlemanly dating advice that I have in quite large supply.  DippetyTwoSheds—actually sounds really wrong—says, “Think it’s Pogues, Ox, the Irish Rover.”  Oh, the band Irish Rover.  OK.  Yeah, the Irish Rovers were a band, but I don’t know what song they’re wanting me to play.  “Sent you the notes on Twitter.  You answered and told me to remind you.”  Oh, yeah.  That’s right.  OK.  La la la la la.  Gunnars, pity the fool—trying to find your tweet, my friend.  Trying to find it.  OK, Shyster, Lepidus.  Going through all the tweets and I’m not finding the one from you.  How long are we going to do this?  Am I just going to—is this me entertaining the crowds?  Trying to find your tweet.  I’m so sorry, my friend.  You know what?  You’ve got my Twitter alias.  Just tweet it again.  Tweet it again and I will do my very best, all right?  OK.  Brad Campbell, yes, I do pity da fool.  Mr. T?  T-E-A?  It was a mug.  Anyway, it was funny on Twitter and that’s what I shared.  Sorry, did I miss something about—oh.  “Is the beta downloaded?” asks Greg Hartung.  Let’s see.  No, I still have 1.2 gigs to go.  We started the show at three gigs, so we’re making progress.  So by the time this is done, we’ll have five minutes left in the show and I’ll be able to log on.  And that’s it.  Now, I will play.  I will definitely play it for a little while, OK?  All right.

Nethehholyhammer, OK.  He says, “OK, so I met this girl in my Alliance guild on WoW.”  OK.  “I’ve been spending time with her every day for a month.”  Online, probably, right?  OK.  “We think alike and have a lot of the same hobbies.  I talk to her on Vent, yet I haven’t seen her face.  I want to tell her my feelings, but I don’t want to scare her.  What should I do?”  OK, this is a very sensitive situation.  The reason this is a sensitive situation is because many women online with whom you meet and spend time with, especially in video games, probably get hit on by other guys all the time.  All the time.  That’s just the nature of being a female who plays World of Warcraft.  I know from firsthand experience, not because I’m a female but because my wife played World of Warcraft and has been accosted by such gentlemen.  Lots of fans of mine who play World of Warcraft and happen to be female have recorded events where they have been hit on all the time.  So my advice in this particular situation is don’t get your hopes up and don’t put all of your eggs in this basket.  Don’t think too much of this particular female who might be a very wonderful person and you two might get along very well.  But you’ve told me you haven’t seen her face, you really haven’t spent much time with her in the real world.  You’ve spent a lot of time with her online.  None of these are really good indications that you two are right for each other.

If you still want to pursue it, I would say engage her in outside of World of Warcraft activities.  So say something like, “Hey, well I had a fun time playing World of Warcraft.  Why don’t we go into a Google Hangout and chat about The Avengers?”  The Avengers is big, right?  Spiderman, too?  Oh, no.  It’s a different Spiderman.  Yeah, OK.  Whatever.  “So the Spiderman movie was a great movie.  Let’s talk about it on Google Hangouts.”  Or, “Do you have a Deviant Art account?  Let’s be friends on Deviant Art”.  Or “Let’s be friends on Facebook.”  And, you know, try to establish a relationship where you may not be able to see her in real life, but you can share information like family history, personal beliefs.  You can see her face.   That’s a good thing.  And then take it from there.  Once all of that is established and you think that this is quite a prospect, you’re going to get the hint from her.  You really will.  Women, they have a way of talking to a guy with whom they have a little bit of interest in, and you’re going to get it.  If she’s really got you just in friend zone, you’re going to have to make a decision.  Do I think that this has potential and I’m willing to risk the friendship by hitting on her?  If yes, then go for it.  Be assertive.  Be confident.  Be confident in yourself and just say, “You know what?  I’d like to get to know you a little bit better,” or something like that.  Or maybe get her PO box, not her actual home, but her PO box and send her a bouquet of flowers.  These are some ways to give a sort of gesture.  Or maybe an email “Wishing You Well” card, right?  Something like that.  There you go.  It just all comes from off the top of my head.  I really hope that you guys can take some sort of benefit from the plethora of advice I’m giving, because it’s all good.  [pause]

Mortuusfan says, “Anyone else having lag issues on Scotch and Smoke Rings?  Twitch is working smoothly.”  If you are having problems with the stream, do go to Twitch TV to the Scotch and Smoke Rings channel.  Maybe that will help you.  Ghoulbreath says, “So Ox, this isn’t girl advice, but it involves mine.  She wants to take me to the movie “Possession” and I hate those kind of movies. What should I do?  Should I man up and watch it?”  Yes and no.  So, I don’t think that a healthy relationship is you always having to make sacrifices for her.  I think making sacrifices in a relationship is necessary and it’s a good thing to do.  But instead, maybe do a bargain and say, “Possession.  OK, I have a slight interest in that movie.  Because I love you, I’m going to go see it, but how about this?  I’m really interested in this other movie.  How about you come to see that with me next week?”  That way you’re giving something, she’s giving something, you’re making her happy, she’s making you happy.  By the end of it, you’re both happy, right?  So it doesn’t have to be an if/or or a this or neither.  It can be this and this.  It can be a both.  It can be a mutual beneficial thing.  I think that’s one of the keys in having a healthy relationship.  [pause]

Greg Hartung says, “You advice is admirable, but I’ll go solo for a few more years.”  And that’s completely fine.  There is really no rush.  You don’t have to be 15 and engaged.  You really don’t.  You can wait until you go to college, until you have a few more years under your hat and a few more beard hairs on your chin.  Nothing wrong with that.  [pause]  Pieskin98 says, “OMG, Oxhorn, my internet went out and I missed about 25 minutes of your show.  What did I miss?”  Well, let me recap the last 25 minutes.  I kid.  I’m not going to do that.  But tell you what, the replay will be online soon and you can watch that.  And we’ve still got 20 minutes left in the show.  And because I promised to play a little bit of Mists of Pandaria, I’ll probably be playing a little longer past 8:00.  [pause]  OK, Twitter.  You guys have a lot to say today. All right, hold on.  Shyster112 says, “Hello, fair Oxhorn.  Hope you have a great show.  Earlier, I found my original Game Boy and I have been enjoying my nostalgia lovingly.”  Really?  Well, congratulations.  My old Game Boy is dead.  It’s gone.  I don’t know what happened to it.  I do have fond memories of that.  I think all I really played on that was Tetris and that Mario game that came with it.  But I do have fond memories of it.  And my brother, actually, has far more fond memories of it because he played it way more than I did.  But after all these years, is it still working?  Really?  I’m surprised.  I‘m impressed, really, that it’s still working after all this time.  Nintendo, right?  They do it right.

OK.  ElToroGuaco, I’ve got the tabs from you.  Yeah.  OK, so here we go.  What’s this?  This is Irish Rover?  All right, I’ll do my best.  No promises here.  I’m probably playing in a different key, but let’s see.  Oh, wait, this is really weird.  Why does it have sharp symbols on it?  All right, prepare for an interesting attempt.  This could either be great or it could fail tremendously.  [playing]  There you go.  That was Irish Rover—all right, hold on.  I’ll continue, but I do have to scotch up.  [pause]  [playing]  Yeah, this isn’t really working out too well.  [laughs]  The thing with the pennywhistle is you’ve got to hear it.  You’ve got to hear it first, the song first, before you can actually play it.  I would love to hear this song, Irish Rove?  All right, hold—I’m going to try one more time.  [playing]  Oh, wait.  It goes up, right?  [playing]  [laughs]  That’s what I get for playing a song I had never seen before, live on camera.  Sorry, buddy.  I did my best.  I really did.  Next time, I’ll have to listen to the song first.  I can get it in my head, and then try and wing it.  [playing]  Oh, it is the song I sang earlier?  [singing] I’ve been a wild rover for manys a year.  All right, let’s see.  [playing]  See?  It’s better that I actually know the tune.  I don’t need the actual tabs to be able to do it.  I still did it poorly because I’ve never actually tried to play it on this thing before.  So there you go.  I hope I made your day, ElToroGuaco.  Drunken Sailor?  All right, now everybody’s making requests.  [playing]  [singing]  What do you do with a drunken sailor?  What do you do with a drunken sailor?  What do you do with drunken sailor early in the mornin’?  Way-ay and up she rises, way-ay and up she rises, way-ay and up she rises early in the mornin’.

RickyLBunny on TwitchTV says, “I don’t see what’s in the chat, if there is anything.  Well, I see myself.  Guess no one is talking here.”  Buddy, you are indeed seeing yourself, but you’re at the wrong website.  We are all at ScotchAndSmokeRings.com.  The fine fans there are chatting with me with a different chat system, which, of course, is why you don’t see anything at Twitch TV.  So there you go.  ScotchAndSmokeRings.com, and you can join in the chat there.  Thank you, however, for posting.  [pause]  Oh, ElToroGuaco says, “So, Ox, refresh my mind.  What key do you like the best, C or D?”  They’re both great.  I’m going to go ahead and say D.  I find it easier to play.  However, C is still good.  All right, let’s check on this install.  400 megs left, guys.   We’re almost there.  [pause]  There’s still a residual breeze in the room, which is why—[pause].  What are you guys talking about?  I don’t understand.  Is there some sort of political conversation going on?  Because you guys are talking as if it’s a political conversation.  I try not to get into politics on my show.  I just do.  [pause]  Am I losing my form?  What’s going on here?  [pause]  There’s got to be some sort of hidden breeze.  Yeah, totally.  [pause]  Got a few good ones in there.  Yeah, not bad.  Cheers and bottoms up.  Look, I’ve got a huge cigar left.  You guys have got me talking too much, so much that the show is over in 15 minutes and I still haven’t even gotten hardly anywhere on my cigar.  [pause]

There we go.  It was wind.  That’s got to be what it was.  More pennywhistle stuff that you guys are talking about?  All right.  “You could extend the show for while you play WoW,” says Jonith.  That is very true.  I could do that.  [playing]  Little better.  “Oxhorn, you promised you would play Mists of Pandaria,” says Psykin98 in all caps.  And I will.  I’m downloading and installing this patch and it’s almost done, so hang tight.  [pause]  “What was the first song you learned on the pennywhistle?” asks Osterkaktus.  And I’m going to have to say probably King of the Fairies, which is the song that I did for “The Great Kodo”.  One of my favorites.  [pause]  Yeah, I just need to get warmed up.  OK, ElToroGuaco, you’re asking me questions I can’t answer.  He says, “My dear friend, I wish to hear your true opinion.  What do you think of my English knowledge?”  How would I be able to judge your English knowledge?  Are you English?  If you’re English, then I’m sure you have great knowledge of England.  Oh, you mean the language.  How might I judge your knowledge of the English language?  Well, considering you didn’t start that sentence with a capital M for the word ‘my’, I’m going to have to say—no, I kid.  I’m not one of those crazy online grammar fellows who just gets on everyone’s cases for grammar.  I understand that when you write a tweet, it’s not like you’re composing a draft of some importance.  You’re just shooting off some sort of thought in your head.  Oh, I’m so sorry, Psykin98, that I mispronounced your name.  It’s really Pa-see-kin 98.  My bad, my bad.  I’ll get it right from now on, Paseekin98.  You got it.  Thanks for letting me know.  [laughs]

Nethehholyhammer asks—and, let’s see, how much more time do we have?  Oh, it’s almost done.  Nethehholyhammer asks, “Ox, since I wasn’t here three years ago, I want to know how and why did you make Scotch and Smoke Rings?”  Great question.  The download has finished, so I’m going to answer it while I log into World of Warcraft.  So back three years ago, what I had is I had a forum, and I still have the forum.  But the forum is all really that I used to interface with my fans.  I wasn’t on Twitter.  I wasn’t on Facebook.  I was a little bit, but I wasn’t really active.  I am now much more active on those channels, by the way.  And I had people asking me—oh, wait, is this a—it is.  It’s a cinematic.  All right, you guys wanted to see cinematic.  [pause]  See if this is any good.  [pause]  OK, pretty cool so far.  Pretty cool.  Not bad.  [pause]  All right, it’s an orc.  We love orcs.  [pause]  And a human.  We hate humans.  Wow, this is really well done.   [pause]  Come on, guys.  You don’t have to fight.  Make peace.  It’s been five years.  It looks like Robinson Crusoe.  You know what?  It’s just going to kill me if a panda jumps out.  It really is.  Please, I don’t want to see any pandas jump out to soothe the peace.  [laughs]  [pause]  [laughs]  The gong has been rung.  The artifact has been violated and now the pandas come in to kick both their butts, right?  I’m just predicting here on the fly.  Is that what happens?  All right, where is the ninja panda?  There it is.  It’s got glowing eyes.  [pause]  And, of course, the orc attacks first.  [pause]  [laughs]  OK, actually this is pretty doggone good.  [laughs]  [pause]  Oh, the furries are going to love this.  I’m just saying.  [pause]  [laughs]  Oh, man.  It’s the kung fu ninja.  [pause]  You have gotten a butt-whooping, oh Horde and Alliance.  Now learn the ancient and peaceful art of the panda.  [pause]  All right, all right, all right.  I’ve got to give them credit.  That was pretty good.  All right, the panda was less cheesy than I had originally thought it would be.  So, all right, I’ll go ahead and give it to them.

Now what was I going to do while I loaded this up?  I’m so sorry.  I was going to answer a question for somebody.  You’re going to have to remind me.  You’re going to have to remind me because I completely lost track of what I was doing.  All right, let me try and log into this game because I promised I would play it.  Don’t worry, I’m going to play it.  And I need to tell you guys what server I’m going to be on.  [pause]  Please don’t ask for my authenticator.  Yes, it’s asking for my authenticator.  Hold on, hold on.  All right.  You guys are going to get access to my authenticator code for a brief period of time.  [code]  OK, I’m going to be on WoW one.  And I’m connected?  Please say I’m connected.  Retrieving character list.  Good.  Oh, they changed the interface a little bit.  OK, cool.  So let me see if I can arrange the chat so that I can see the game and your comments at the same time.  [pause]  All right.  Cool.  So, can you see?  Here, let me—no, I guess I’m going to have to move my chats over here.  All right, one chat there.  The other chat there, so that I can monitor your comments and play this fabulous game.  There we go.

Oh, that’s right.  Mortuusfan says, “I believe the question was how do you come up with the name you have for your show?”  Great question.  All right, I’m going to go ahead and play Dfkjvhfblw.  No, no, no.  I’ll play a different character.  The answer to the question is I didn’t have a social community.  I mean, I did have a social community, but it was all in forums.  And one of the ways that we were connecting with each other is we were using a live streaming service at the time.  I forget.  I think it was called Tiny Chat.  I’m not sure.  And it was great, but I couldn’t actually talk with very many people at a time.  It only supported maybe three or four dozen people and I wanted hundreds and thousands of people to watch the show.  Hey, I like this one.  No, I like that one better.  What should I name him, everybody?  ElToroGuaco says, “No more pandas.  Make a Tauren monk.”  You know what?  I haven’t done that before.  Maybe I should. I like that idea.  Make a Tauren monk.  Yes, I do still have Lunch.  All right.  Tauren and he’s going to be a monk.  Tauren monk, woo-hoo.  Time to customize.  All right, let’s—anyway, so I toyed with a number of different things and I started with UStream.  You want me to name him Piggy?  Let’s see Piggy.  Oh, I like PandaBreath.  PandaBreath.  Aw, that name is unavailable.  Let’s try Piggy.  Oh, that name is unavailable.  Murchan?  Sure.   DeathMooMillk.  Oh, I like that even better.  DeathMooMilk.  Oh, man.  That’s so epic.  All right, I’ve got DeathMooMilk here.  Anyway, to answer your question, I started with LiveStream, didn’t like their service.  It was a horrible service.  Or, no, I started with UStream and hated their service.  Moved to LiveStream.  They were great, but they charged me money and I couldn’t monetize my video stream.  So then I moved to Twitch TV, which it’s got pretty decent quality.  I can have more than one picture on the screen.  And I can monetize it, which I really don’t take advantage of.  But I can, so there you go.

DeathMooMilk.  Here we go.  We’re going to defeat some things with my Tauren named DeathMooMilk.  Blade Brandire says, “Oh, man, the character creation interface is amazing.”  They really have improved it.  It is greatly improved from what it once was, which is a plus.  It’s a definite plus.  Ghoulbreath says, “So anyway, when’s the smoke ship?  You usually [distorted audio].”  I’ll probably do the smoke ship either in the middle of the show or afterwards, but I won’t forget.  I won’t forget.  Oh.  [pause]  Wait a minute.  Am I starting out in Mulgore?  I am, aren’t I?  OK.  Ladies and gentlemen, I know many of you came because you were expecting to see some of the panda land, so I’m going to go ahead and continue to play this guy, but if many of you would prefer to see the panda land, let me know and I will switch to a panda character so that you guys can see that.  [pause]  Oh, man.  Someone’s already messaging me.  Hey, it’s Chucaca in your chat.  Oh, man.  Greg Hartung invited me to a group.  Wow, everybody’s finding me.  Cool.  So I’ve got my little guy here.  And, oh look.  I guess I’m supposed to talk to him.  He’s got a chat thing on.  Follow the path eastward out of Camp Narache to find Grull Hawkwind.  OK.  Greg Hartung is the group leader.  So Greg, you’re going to have to invite Aegix, A-E-G-I-X.  So the little guy on the map is pointing this way.  I’m going to run this way.  Oh, it’s my beloved Mulgore.  [pause]

I do do do miss Mulgore.  Sweet, so I’m running this way and, yeah, the beginning zone looks pretty much the same.  Oh, hi there.  Who’s this guy in a giant—Aegix.  Oh, hi.  Wave.  I don’t know if he’s going to be able to join the group because he’s level 60, but [laugh] all right.  Feel free to invite him, guys, if you want.  So I’ve got my little monk staff and I just got a quest done.  Hurray.  Kill six Bristleback Invaders.  Really?  Oh, he passed leadership to me.  I don’t want to be leader, man.  I don’t want to have to do these things.  All right.  Invite A-E-G-I-X.  There we go.  All right.  So now we have a full posse and just like vanilla WoW, I’m killing Bristlebacks.  [laughs]  Some things never change.  “WoW one, right?” asks Blade Brandire.  Yes, WoW one.  We are in WoW one.  Wow, look at all these Tauren.  [pause]  Whoa.  I’m a monk and I’m doing my monk thing.  Die, you little pig swine.  Okay, everybody’s saying that my show is lagging.  I don’t know.  [pause]  All right, I’ve killed six pig creatures.  Oh, man.  This new game is so epic.  I run around killing pig creatures.  Woo-hoo.  Hey, cool.  Did you see that?  They’ve got a new light ambience thing going on here.  Check it out.  Can you see that?  The sun setting in the distance is shining off of my Tauren hair.  It’s pretty neat.  That’s new.

So my graphics are turned all the way down, probably, so that you guys can see.  Yeah?  There’s a lot of lag?  Well, I’m sorry, ladies and gentlemen.  I wish there was something I could do about it.  But, sadly, this is it.  Yeah, the never ending war with the Bristleback.  You’d think after playing the game for five or six years that the Tauren would be able to figure out a way to kill the level ten Bristleback tribe.  But, no.  No, it’s not.  All right, now I’ve got to go free some braves.  Time to free some braves while I’m drinking scotch.  [pause]  Freeing some braves.  Freeing some braves.  Are you—no, you’re not.  Where are these braves I need to free?  Are you a brave?  Yeah.  All right, can I free you?  No, I can’t free you.  Oh, there’s the little bamboo things.  You know, not to be a jerk or anything, but in this bristleboar, quilboar area, I’m not seeing very many bamboo trees.  And yet, they’ve got all of these bamboo cages everywhere.  So either this means that the guy who made this game did not think about that, or that these bristleboar guys have a fairly sophisticated method of trade by which they are able to exchange whatever monetary things they produce for bamboo cages.  Yeah, I know.  This is fascinating.  Fascinating commentary.  Cool.  All right, I’ve freed some braves.  One more to go.  Looks like someone in my party took care of it for me.  Sweet.  [pause]  Psykin98 says, “I want to see some dead cowbies.”  Yeah.  Yeah.  I wonder if there will be any around here.  Play a pet battle?  I would love to have a pet battle, but I think at this low level, I can’t really have any pets.  Oh, wait.  No, no.  They’re tied with my account.  So if I can find a mailbox, I can get my pets out.  You guys see a mailbox around here?

Let’s check out this hut over here, see if we can find a mailbox.  And I’ll get some pet battle going on here.  Go to Adana Thunderhorn to the Southwest.  All right.  Mailbox?  Hey, a mailbox.  No, that’s a torch.  I want a mailbox.  Where is the mailbox?  You have to do training to do pet battles?  Oh, man.  My heart is being broken over and over again.  Well thanks, Greg.  I didn’t know that that’s what I needed, but now I know.  And knowing is something about a battle being half?  I don’t know.  I wish I could do pet battles, ladies and gentlemen, but I’ve apparently got to be trained.  And honestly, I don’t feel like putting in that much effort right now, so I’m just going to run around.  Here, I’m going to zoom all the way out so you guys can see more of the landscape instead of my butt.  [pause]  “I can now check this off my bucket list, to play WoW with Brandon,” says Aegix.  Well, I’m so pleased that I was able to help there.  “I said it first,” says Ghoulbreath.  You get the credit.  I apologize.  You get the credit for alerting me to this fact.  All right, let’s see.  We’ve got—all right.  Two more little quests.  Recover seven stolen rifles from the pig people.  Kill seven Bristleback Thorncallers.  All right.  Time to pown these newbs with what?  My uber leet hax.  Psykin98 says, “When are you ending the show?  I’ve got to go to bed soon.”  All right, look, I’m going to be sensitive to those who do not have [distorted audio] to spend with me.  So what I’m going to do is I’m going to go ahead and do a smoke ship so that you guys can leave if you need to.  And the rest who wish to stay and watch me kill bristleboars, because that’s epic, can.  So here we go.

Ghoulbreath, I’m just kidding with you, man.  That doesn’t make you sound like a jerk.  You can’t be a jerk.  You’re awesome.  All right, smoke ship time.  Do I have time to ask you guys for your ideas for a smoke ship?  “Oxhorn, what server are you on?” asks Blade Brandire.  I am on WoW one, the WoW one server.  All right, the next two [inaudible] give me a smoke ship idea.  I will do my very best to blow into existence and then we will get back to powning newbs.  [pause]  [laughs]  This fan of mine just keeps sucking in the smoke.  Apparently, I’m on the lost isles server.  For those who are looking to join us, I am on the lost isles server.  Thank you for that one.  MaginJustin says, “Oxhorn and his online friends killing boars on top of a mountain, cheering his name.”  ElToroGuaco says, “Oxhorn as a Tauren munk,” spelled M-U-N-K.  You just asked me about your English, right?  I’m sorry.  I’m being a jerk.  My bad.  “On a pirate ship smoking Swags [laughs] together with Bedner and Za—Bender.”  It’s not Bedner.  It’s Bender.  “And Zapp Brannigan while kicking pandas in the butt.”  Look, I wouldn’t be picking on your grammar if you hadn’t asked me about your English skills previously.  I apologize.  I’m being mean.  “Oxhorn poking a [inaudible] night elf with [inaudible] and tiny birds with spider web strings pulling the tree out of the ship’s intestines.  Meanwhile, a bisexual Gandalf clone slaps Stag in the leg,” says Diego423.  Wow, that has all sorts of things in it.  And it’s actually rather graphic.  I don’t know where to go with this one.  [laughs]  I guess I’ll keep reading for now.  Mr. TacoMooBrad says, “Oxhorn guarding bacon barrel ship, traveling to Pandaria.  Pandas are invading.  Mort and Stag are held captive.”  Nice.  Shyster112 says, “Bacon-wrapped bacon balls wrapped in bacon cannonballs being fired at Pandarian ships while he watches the Alliance and Horde battle to the death with Pandarians.”  Psykin98 says, “Pandas fighting orcs and humans to preserve the peace on their land while bacon people jump around on top of [distorted audio] in a pool of scotch, and clouds made of cigar smoke.”  That just incorporates everything.  All right, I like that one.  Here we go, ladies and gentlemen.  Smoke ship time.  This one is from Psykin98. [pause]

Whoa.  I hope you didn’t blink because if you did, you missed it.  But for the briefest of moments there before your eyes was a smoke tapestry woven from this mighty cigar.  We had pandas fighting orcs and humans to preserve the [inaudible] on the land while nothing else but bacon people jump around on top of gnome heads in a pool of scotch and clouds made from cigar smoke.  Very nicely done.  Thank you for that, ladies and gentlemen.  If you’ve got to go, I completely understand.  Otherwise, we are going to continue on with the fine program.  Whoa, look at this.  This fine fellow over here is even dressed as Staghorn a little bit.  And he’s riding a giant Chinese tiger.  Whoa.  And he’s got a Chinese tiger [inaudible].  No, no, no.  That’s and actual Chinese tiger pet.  That’s pretty sick.  Farmer Stumphorn.  Very cool.  I like that one.  Look at all these guys out here to pown newbs with their uber leet hax.  How many of you are using the beta keys that I gave to you guys?  [laughs]  That’s pretty good.  We’ve got plenty down there.  Deweaponized mechanical companion.  What’s this?  This is a thundering serpent hatchling.  That’s pretty cool.  All right, but we’re here to quest.  We would make the Blizzard gods unhappy if we didn’t quest.  Here we go.  Kill the wabbit.  Kill the wabbit.  Kill the wabbit.  Nice.  Nice.  [pause]

You gave your key to Patrika?  Well, that was very, very generous of you.  I have to give you my congratulations on that. It’s always good to give.  Osterkaktus says, “I was the runner-up in the machinima contest.”  I remember.  I really enjoyed your machinima.  You guys that participated in the contests, you all did so well.  I was impressed with every single entry.  It was so hard to pick.  So thank you all for submitting.  [pause]  All right, I’m killing thorncallers and I’m looting muskets.  And someone is in my group, so I’m not getting credit for half of this, but oh well.  If you guys are in my group, you’re going to have to help me.  Someone else in my group is not allowing me to get credit for this.  [pause]  ElToroGuaco says, “Stay classy, my friend.”  Such a pleasure to have you here, as always.  Stay classy and we’ll see you next week.  All right, well I’ve got my stolen rifles.  Now I’ve got to kill these magician guys over here.  Well, my share of the loot is [inaudible].  I must not have gotten much.  Either that or it’s not a very good loot.  Check it out.  I’m a level one and I’m killing level threes, totally by myself.  Ah, and then I get help.  Well, that’s OK.  One more to go and the pig people are done.  Die, pig person.  You Bristleback Thorncaller, you.  Hurray.  I can now go turn in my quest for some seriously leet loot.  Seriously leet, leet loot.  Hey, it’s Carddson.  Hello, Carddson.  [pause]  Oh, I just lost some ash everywhere.  Don’t you hate it when you lose your ash?  I do.  It’s rather awkward.

Whoa.  That’s right, you can turn into stag creatures.  That’s cool, man.  I didn’t know you could do that.  [pause]  Oh, no.  It’s a dancing panda bear.  A dancing panda bear wearing our guild tabard.  Who is this?  Findoora.  [laughs]  Hey, it’s good to see you, Findoora.  And that’s a nightmare right there.  Oh, it’s even got blue hair.  It’s even got a flower in its blue hair.  And that dance.  Oh, that dance.  I just don’t even know what to think.  I think I’ll just leave this in front of the screen for a moment while we all writhe in horror.  Oh, that’s painful.  That is a painful dance.  All right.  I’m going to log off here.  But before I do, let’s all queue up for a group shot and dance, I guess.  All right, group shot.  Wow.  There we go.  Everybody’s in the group shot.  What’s this?  Is that a little slug?  A little slug named Tiny.  It’s a slug creature.  I didn’t know you could get those.  That’s new.  Wow, look at everybody go.  Well, I’m so glad you guys were able to make it.  Next time, I’ll have to play for a longer period of time.  I won’t have to download the beta all over again, so maybe we can get more people playing.  We’ve got, what, about six or seven people in here?  That’s awesome.  Nethehholyhammer, I know you’re just now getting on, but I’m going to have to go in a minute, so I don’t think you’ll have time to find me.  But next week, next week, all right?  [pause]  Diego says, “I play the Song of Time on my D pennywhistle.”  That’s a great song.  I wish I knew that one, but I don’t know it by heart.

Well, awesome.  Thank you all for joining.  I’m going to go ahead and log off here.  Oh, sweet.  I joined a guild.  Oh, it’s my guild.  Sweet.  The Invisible Pink Unicorns.  Hurray.  [pause]  All right, ladies and gents.  That was fun. I’m so glad you were able to join me for the brief moment that we had to play.  Next week, we will be able to play for a longer period of time.  If anyone from Twitch TV was watching, there.  I played a video game on my show.  I hope you’re happy.  Please don’t ban my program because it doesn’t have enough video game material.  You would think that smoking cigars and drinking scotch would be enough for you.  But no, you have to have video game material.  That’s all right.  I’m not going to hold it against you.  I’m not going to hold it against you.  All right, ladies and gents.  Thank you so much for coming to this week’s episode of Scotch and Smoke Rings.  A few more smoke rings before I log off, just for old time’s sake.  [pause]  Some good ones in there.  Let’s get our classy music going again.  Bottoms up.  [pause]  A lot of you have stuck around this long.  Thank you all for coming to this week’s episode of Scotch and Smoke Rings, episode 161.  Be sure to tune in same Ox time, same Ox channel next week, ScotchAndSmokeRings.com.  Be ready for my new movie, which is going to be coming out in a few more weeks.  It’s not a machinima but you guys will enjoy it anyway.  It’s going to be a lot of fun.  And as always, we say here on ScotchAndSmokeRings.com, be sure, my friends, to stay just a little bit classy.

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Brandon M. Dennis
Hello, fellow beardsmen! I'm an author, marketer, and story-teller. Read my swashbuckling fantasy sea adventure novel, The Tale of Cloran Hastings, and click my name to learn more about me. Enjoy the site!

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